'gpost

a drunken lad (for Russell Crowe - unedited)

Woke up this morning, did everything right,
Holly grace and all, then to the showers, I went.

All that is well could always be better,
I sang, as I showered.

Then something in hand, I noticed,
oh! Wish you had seen how I cried

“Holly Mary mother of Jesus, let it not be
- an Irish Guinness taken to the shower.”

Without thinking much of myself, I ran out
shouting “the nearest AA please, I am sick.”

Curious tourists in Times Square and everywhere,
“no English” they said. It lasted as if forever

till the Cops, but then I’ve already made it - front page
The New York Times “a drunken lad in the square.”

To the first Cop, I said, “look, my Irish beer,”
he replied, “yeah! Buddy, I’m Irish too,

and you ain’t taken it to the showers yet,
so shut up and stop making out.”

Now that’s a new one for an Irish lad,
“Buddy” and “making out” all in one go

Then on second thought, I looked again,
guess what I found…

a rod in hand! in a public place!
far worse than a rod displayed online.

books by this author Laurel-Smith, Abbey are available at your local bookstore including Barnes & Noble, Borders Music Cafe, Amazon and Waldenbooks.

read this if you will Mari

It is the orphan’s wish to wake up in a company other than his own,
be blessed, be loved and be drenched by a breath other than his own
and if luck permits, cherish the rest of his day like a treasure trove
bristling through a life, more so with a love to know and to behold.

But here I am nudging bottles and pondering your absence,
your giggling embrace and most of all your hearty correspondence…

Well, dearest one, pardon me if my lines seem stunted a bit,
it is because the city of Manhattan, is short on stationery,
pen, ink, papers…

books by this author Laurel-Smith, Abbey are available at your local bookstore including Barnes & Noble, Borders Music Cafe, Amazon and Waldenbooks.

Patience, a fool's gift

Tell me,
When last did you see one?
A voter like a drunk
justifying nothing but a mistake…

I see them everyday
baffled fellows
scattered all over the globe
guys and girls

wishing they had left
the art of war
to the likes
of Henry James

but that is the poor
thinking
on a stage
set only for fools

books by this author Laurel-Smith, Abbey are available at your local bookstore including Barnes & Noble, Borders Music Cafe, Amazon and Waldenbooks

pleased to meet you Miss Lohan, Lindsay

Ash Wednesday 21st of February 2007,
a raining day I was told,
nonetheless I went ahead with the surgery,
the first on my hand and I hope my last.
I came to – a new life from a deep sleep,
then the doctor said, “on you go young man
go out and fulfill your dreams”…
 
So out I went – a new hand with retributions.
The first was the wife, but that was expected,
the second, a girlfriend - at regular intervals,
the third, an errant girl - a victim after a night out,
the fourth, somebody’s wife on an intoxicated night.
 
Now, of what use will a hand be to a man,
if it cannot be used to perform a simple task
like undressing the other man’s daughter
is a question relegated to a past...

books by this author Laurel-Smith, Abbey are available at your local bookstore including Barnes & Noble, Borders Music Cafe, Amazon and Waldenbooks.

Feeling sclerous Cameron Diaz's blond no more

Dry hand, tortured fingers
what in hell am I doing
peeling onions?

Woke up this morning feeling bristly
wondered what is it I have on my belly
scales like a fish
or shells like the ocean floor.

Dry hand, tortured fingers
what have I been doing
peeling onions?

Rough tea I had over smooth rice
the day went well
fear the sun mocking my face
so I slept no more on my back

than I ever did
feeling sclerous with a dry hand
and tortured fingers.

books by this author Laurel-Smith, Abbey are available at your local bookstore including Barnes & Noble, Borders Music Cafe, Amazon and Waldenbooks.

Writing, Chinese style

Oh! Winter, ah! Snow, listen good fellows,
This is Smithie writing again, this time
Chinese style, with no chopsticks but a smile,
Right here in Johnson, Vermont

Same year we autographed Howard
Our Governor, to try and score for a President
But then the winter and the snow
Comes to clean up our little village

Even our place in between the seven hills
Could not save us from the snow
The rusty parts of our buildings, our garbage cans
Are all covered up with snow and frost

Now the cars on our streets and everywhere
Have all been covered up and made so white
That even our cat is afraid of going out
And our hen no longer clucks

...
...

books by this author Laurel-Smith, Abbey are available at your local bookstore including Barnes & Noble, Borders Music Cafe, Amazon and Waldenbooks.

Every woman (for Kirstie Alley)

Every woman walks her way
Whilst every Man judge their sway
They called it holding the sway
At a time when wiggling sideways
Was most effective for minds to sway

Some take delight in it
Whilst some relish judging by bodily gifts
And how hard blessed it is
For a red blooded Male to critically judge
Who looks right and who looks the clumsiest?

...
...

books by this author Laurel-Smith, Abbey are available at your local bookstore including Barnes & Noble, Borders Music Cafe, Amazon and Waldenbooks.

Jesus at Martha’s - for Martha Stewart and Donald Trump

Imagine Jesus lounging at Martha’s
this Christmas,
free food for all
will never be too strange a call
after all he once fed a multitude
on fish and bread alone.

Imagine Jesus asking all to the Stewart’s
at Greenwich this Christmas -
for fish, for bread and some things more
like free playstation 3, free Xbox,
free mp3 player, free ipod,
free amiga and all…Oh! How nice

To watch the churches go gaga
blaming pop culture as always
for dwindling service attendance
as the young, the poor and the weak
make their way to Trump and Martha’s
for free gifts this Christmas.

books by this author Laurel-Smith, Abbey could be seen at your local bookstore, Barnes & Noble, Borders and Waldenbooks

Mariah Carey (un-edited)

Mariah
A lotus, a gem, baked in a hall of stones
Her songs like coffee, thicker than mud
Her face, somber, dreamy emblematic
Her mind, clear as the English weather
A syllable, she muttered - a song for me
And the fruit bowl shed its shadow

Mariah, Mariah,
I bellowed on Fulton Landing, Brooklyn
Her eyelids stuttered - noise making music
Options noted, the earth’s already moved
So I went to bed hugging a bear, thinking
Her ways, trenchant, like those before,
A sure bet for a study of singing habits

books by this author Laurel-Smith, Abbey could be seen at your local bookstore, Barnes & Noble, Borders and Waldenbooks

Christmas present (attn: Kelly Osbourne, Jade Jagger, Paris Hilton, Ivanka Trump, Alexis Stewart, Georgina Bloomberg...)

That a child
has no name of its own
is enough
but to be denied a way
from finding one -
its own,
in life
is a crime.

Parents, selfish.
Sons and Daughters, dovish.
Listen kids,
Why not
cut up your parents
this Christmas
and serve them as meat
to the homeless?

….
….
….
….

books by this author Laurel-Smith, Abbey could be seen at your local bookstore, Barnes & Noble, Borders and Waldenbooks